When I first started my blog, I promised to share some funny things that happened to me along my cancer journey. Today, I plan to do exactly that! It is important to have a sense of humor whenever you are going through something troubling and learning to laugh at yourself is essential in life.
In the Spring of 2022, my son was a Knob (a freshman) at The Citadel, the Military College of South Carolina. This was also the time when I was going through my active breast cancer treatment. Even though I was in the midst of chemotherapy, I was determined not to miss anything important in my kids' lives and I wasn't about to miss him being officially recognized as a cadet. He had endured nine months of grueling physical fitness challenges, proving that his body was in shape and his mental fortitude was even stronger.
During recognition weekend the Knobs are put to their final test before being fully accepted by the upperclassmen. They have trained for months to run "The Gauntlet," an intense obstacle course that requires every ounce of strength and stamina they can muster. I would be there to cheer him on—no matter what!
I was feeling exceptionally well that weekend, so my husband, youngest daughter, and I loaded up in our car and headed to South Carolina from Virginia. We got a few hours down the road and got a call from our alarm company—our house alarm was going off. Not knowing why, we dispatched the police to check things out. We kept checking our video cameras, but everything was offline. There was nothing else we could do, so we pressed on to South Carolina. Nothing was going to stop us from being there—not cancer, not a burglar.
If we had been broken into, we would deal with it when we got home.
Several hours later, after my son completely rocked The Gauntlet, the family gathered together to celebrate at our Air BNB. It was only then that we realized we hadn't gotten a report from the police about our house. We called the police station back home and were told they didn't see anything suspicious when they checked that afternoon. However, still a little concerned, we went back to our alarm app and started trying to pull up camera footage to see if we could figure out what triggered the alarm to begin with!
The system was back online, but hours of data had not been recorded—there were only a few random clips. We opened the final video that had been logged into the system and our mouths dropped open and our hearts started beating out of our chests with what we saw! The video was timestamped AFTER we left Virginia. It was grainy quality but we could definitely see that there was a big, fat, bald guy in our house! We panicked, as anyone would! We called the police station again and reported that someone was in our home and requested that they please go back again and see what was going on.
By this point, we were all freaking out. Our youngest daughter was crying with fear and my husband and I were angry. There was nothing else we could do from so far away but wait to hear if the police were able to apprehend the suspect and pray nothing was stolen or damaged in our home. We watched the video over and over and over. The big, fat, bald guy was rifling through my husband's key basket in the short fifteen-second clip we could see. The audacity of this guy! He looked like he had made himself completely at home! There was no additional footage before or after.
As we waited on pins and needles to hear from the cops, my husband found one more video—recorded hours before the incident we were watching obsessively. He recognized himself in the video, and then mumbled a phrase I can't repeat. I began to panic even further—what had he seen? Had the big, fat, bald guy actually been there before we left?!?! Chills ran down my spine.
My husband looked at me with angst and simultaneous amusement on his face and said, "Honey, I don't know how to say this, but I have to tell you the truth." I stared blankly at him, not understanding. He continued, "The timestamp on the video of the intruder is wrong. I recognize myself in another clip that was recorded only moments before. The timestamp says it was after we left, but it's definitely a video of me and you."
He showed me the newly discovered video. I watched as my husband with his athletic build entered our den—and then I stared in disbelief when the big, fat, bald guy entered the room just after him. He said, "This video is from this morning around 6:30 am, despite what it says." He then started laughing uncontrollably. "You know I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world but the big, fat, bald guy is you! Remember when I couldn't find my keys? You put on my bathrobe and came out to help me look for them." The memory of that morning came flooding back.
He was right, it was me. I was the big, fat, bald guy.
Suddenly, the video became so clear. It was definitely me in an oversized bathrobe with no headwrap or breast prosthetics on. No one in my family saw me as the bald woman who had lost all her hair from chemo, her breasts from a double mastectomy, and gained thirty pounds from steroids. I was still the same old me in everyone's eyes and that is why no one recognized me in the video!
We had called the police on me! I was so embarrassed. I started to cry, but then I started to laugh. . . and laugh. . . and laugh.
My husband had to call the police back and tell them we were no longer concerned. He said, "Our camera is malfunctioning and we do not believe our house is under seige." He thanked them for their service. He did not tell them his lovely wife was the big, fat, bald guy.
For the next few weeks, we all cracked up to the point of tears whenever we thought of it and I called myself the BFG (like the movie—but it stood for big, fat, bald guy instead of big, friendly giant!)
Hey, ya gotta laugh sometimes, right? At least I know my family sees me for who I am and not what I look like!
When we got home, we learned there had been a storm and a small picture frame had fallen off the wall. The glass had shattered, triggering the alarm. But if this hadn't happened, we wouldn't have had this hysterical story to tell!
Do you have a story to share about a time in your life where having a sense of humor helped you get through a rough time? Tell me in the comments below! Until next week my friends!
Signing off,
The Big Fat Bald Guy
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